Two years ago, I was sitting on my couch fretting about having time to release a music album, home-school my kids, and garden. I had been spending hours on social media doing all of the following, unfollowing, posting, banner-making, video-making that I was told would help me sell more product. I spent 7 hours a day working on this, believing that it would work. (It did, as my sales did increase, but not in accordance to how much work I was putting into it vs. how much success I was having.) That night I fell asleep on the couch while working.
I don’t usually remember my dreams. Maybe I’m too light of a sleeper? I’m not sure. But that evening I dreamed that my kids were playing in the yard. My garden was growing tall. I was inside, toiling away on my phone trying to do it all. In the dream, the kids wanted me outside. I wanted to get out in the garden, because it is cathartic for me. However, I couldn’t I had too many things on my checklist to complete. In my dream, my phone broke, and God spoke to me telling me “Pay attention to your garden.” Then I woke up.
Stubbornly, I kept doing what I was doing with my music, PLUS all of the gardening and canning. I successfully had a garden, despite having some pretty bad health issues for weeks at a time. I also had been pre-occupied with a situation that had been a giant stressor and fear-factor for 8 years. Deep down I knew that God was calling me to trust Him. In the spring of 2017, it was too hard for me to do. By the fall of 2017, it was a different story.
From that dream on, God began to nudge at me more to trust Him with that fearful situation. Finally in August of that year, after 5 weeks of heart palpitations, and an overworked, overstressed body and mind, I gave in. In an INSTANT, I was delivered of fear and from the bondage of that thing. I haven’t struggled with it since then. Life has been very peaceful in that front, even with it poking at me occasionally. I’m completely free from it.
Then He started working on me concerning my music, and my relationship with Him. He told me it was time to start going to church regularly again. So we did. He also was wanting me to let go of my ways of doing music. They had worked for awhile, for that season, but it was time to change it up. I did obey, in layers- a little here, a little there. I’ve learned that trusting Him with it has produced more opportunities that feel right than when I tried to do everything my way. I still have a lot of questions for Him, but I’m not acting on anything until He says so. This is stress-relieving.
Looking at myself two years ago, I was exhausted, fearful, overworked, and unhealthy. My spiritual walk was one of dutiful daily prayers, and a little Bible reading, as well as discussions with the kids about God around the table. Now, I spend a lot more time talking with Him. I read my Bible nearly every day. He is almost constantly on my mind. I am in a better state health-wise than I’ve been in years, although I still need to lose weight. I haven’t had even close to as many heart palpitations as I did then, or any as scary as those. In these two years, I’ve tended the garden of my heart more.
Our literal garden will be huge this year, as it will not only be used to feed us, and provide food for canning, but the produce will be used to sell at a farmer’s market in a neighboring town. I’ve always wanted to do this, but we never had time. I was working hours on-line with music, not including the days or evenings I spent traveling to gigs. Maybe God will have me travel in the future, but I have a feeling that traveling for music when in His will and timing will be much easier and more fruitful.
Two years later, I feel like I am finally listening to what He told me to do two years ago…
“Pay attention to your garden.”